Therapy At Its Craziest

2003-10-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

I was shaken, but definitely not stirred

I have recently encountered the two extreme ends of the spectrum of creativity. More precisely, that of guys. In all honesty, I marvel at their eccentricity (is there such a word?). Two in particular allowed me to tag them as the benchmark of either ends of the said spectrum. They shall not be representatives of the general male population, for many reasons. One being the potential noise assault which would be impounded on me by some who take it to heart, just because I choose to exercise my right to free speech and sarcasm.

Just like a light spectrum, which ranges from dark and dull to bright and refreshing, these two interesting guys were all that. One was intelligent and bold in character; the other was, well, not so bright (dark colours are never bright) and as dull as drying paint. Ladies and gentlemen, here's my story of the two individuals who managed to impress me within the past week.

I bumped into one of them in between classes. A senior, he was. A little idle chat ended up with him outhing these words: "Did anyone ever tell you that you have a nice set of fangs?". It took me five seconds to entirely digest his words. That got me laughing, and almost instantly, consious of my set of teeth. I couldn't give him a proper counter for that line of his. What was I supposed to say? "All the better to bite you with, my dear"?. So I left Fang Boy to quickly join my other girlfriends with the hopes of not running into another one like him.

Tough luck.

I was at the college computer lab goin through the usual routine of checking emails and such. Little did I know, a little window popped up on my screen with a greeting from a neighbouring computer a few rows down from mine. I ignored it for two main reasons:

(i) I had something to do and was meeting a dateline

(ii) I'm technologically challenged, rendering me helpless in trying to find the 'reply' button of the programme for such networking fascilities.

The subsequent ten minutes saw the pop-up window bearing "Look behind!", "Smile!" and last but not least "Would you like to go out on a date with me?"

How I wish I was more computer literate. I'd have the perfect reply for him: "I'm sorry I do not date girls. If you're not a girl, I suggest you spend some time looking for your balls because you obviously lack any to ask a girl out in person.".

Alright, I probably won't say that but it gets irritating when you're stressed trying to meet a dateline. Oh well, I have to be thankful that it's with colourful characters like the two guys that lends a breather to my otherwise constantly hectic schedule. Then again, that's life.

Speaking of life, I thought it's be nice to end this with a nice quote from the great Homer Simpson

"I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here."

Have a nice day, people.

2003-08-21T00:45:00.000-07:00

Here’s a very enlightening article featured in The Star by Marina Mahathir (19/08/03). She stresses how Malaysians can chant the words of Malaysia Boleh amidst the many tak bolehs that we face.

Not always boleh

As we reach our 46th birthday and cries of “Malaysia Boleh” ring out, we should really reflect on this a bit. I am one of those who always find these constant shouts of “Malaysia Boleh” a bit tiresome. Not to be a spoilsport or anything, it’s just that sometimes our focus on what we boleh (can) seems rather shallow.

I have great admiration for Malaysians who can sail solo around the world , climb Mount Everest, explore Antartica and brave the English Channel. These are truly great feats and the glory achieved by them reflects on us, and motivates others to try and do similar things. What I have some problem with are the types of Malaysia Boleh feats that have to do with creating the longest popiah, the most number of teh tarik pulls, etc. No doubt, everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame, but after that, what? Will the person who ate the most number of durians ever be featured in Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah?

As we all scramble to get into some book of records for things we boleh do, I wonder if we ever reflect on the things we tak boleh (cannot) do? Here’s a partial list, in no particular order:

We tak boleh talk about many things because they are deemed too sensitive for some unknown people’s ears. Thus, there are so many things swept under the carpet now that we can hardly walk without tripping.

We tak boleh complain about some people in authority behave.

We tak boleh show affection to our loved ones in public because some people think it’s obscene.

The women among us tak boleh feel safe in public because if something happens to us, it’s always our fault.

We tak boleh be trusted to decide for ourselves whether a movie is good or bad.

We women tak boleh look at pictures of women’s bodies in women’s magazines; they have to be blackened out.

Young people tak boleh be given information about the many bad things that could happen to them even though this could save their lives.

Universities tak boleh be left with more women students because this may lead to a very empowered population of women. And what’s more they may start demanding that women be given vice-chancellor posts!

We tak boleh ask why the authorities have some ruling or other because then they may actually think of a good reason for them.

We tak boleh, tak boleh, tak boleh, talk about religion even though sometimes the implementation of religious rulings can make our lives miserable.

We tak boleh complain when cars are triple parked on Fridays because, hey, what is a human law when they are breaking it to commune with God?

We tak boleh be sure anything we do will be judged on its own merits; we must get some VIP to help us.

We tak boleh excel in many things, including sports, because someone will tell us why we tak boleh do it (too difficult, not nice, not feminine, too much work, no money in it, etc).

We tak boleh point out the contradictions in our society because it’s, well, embarrassing (like, how come we’re so religious and so superstitious at the same time?).

We tak boleh teach our kids to think because then they may ask us too many questions.

We tak boleh act as if we would like to think about things too, and then give out opinion.

We tak boleh trust our young people even though one day, whether we like it or not, they will take over the country, (unless we turn them into clones of us of course).

We tak boleh deny the fact that Siti Nurhaliza is a lot more influential than most politicians (who else can sell out a lipstick by just mentioning it?). But then Siti tak boleh make our lives miserable.

We tak boleh talk back, unless we couch it in polite terms. Never mind that the person we want to talk back to has been very rude.

Every day it seems we are encouraged to do things to prove we are the best, biggest, brightest. But rarely we are ever encouraged to be thinking and compassionate human beings with opinions of our own, especially if those opinions are different from the norm. Are we to show Malaysia Boleh only in harmless non-threatening ways even though there often have no long-term benefit? Or should we really be challenging ourselves in our minds and hearts?

2003-07-24T02:51:00.000-07:00

The Feminist In Me

Here’s excerpts of a college thesis which I wrote in September 2002. I admit it has ‘gung-ho feminist’ written all over it. My excuse? Not an ounce of sleep 24 hours prior to the submission of this paper as well as the recent completion (2-3 weeks beforehand) of a report/analysis on two feminist writers and their works. So deprivation of sleep and my English lecturer’s feminist campaign has resulted in the following ‘fruits of my labour’.

Date rape – who is to blame? Discuss.

…As human nature’s form of courting turns ugly, there is the birth of a war between the genders. The women feel that men, weak as they are, give in to their lust and desires and do not respect women since violation takes place in the case of a date rape. Men, however, divert the blame at the women, blatantly saying that women ‘asked for it’ through their dressing and behaviour. As a female, I feel compelled to stand up for my gender and to act a little on my feminist beliefs. I strongly feel that no woman yearns to be violated in any way by men who can not control themselves from acting out their lustful thoughts…

…A fraction of the male society, in all their fickle and narrow-minded selves, feels that it is the women who plant the seed of lust in them through their actions and dressing. Just like Adam, they blame all the Eves today for luring them into consuming the forbidden fruit. Not long ago, there was an interview with a sexist man on the Cable News Network (CNN) who loudly proclaims that “…of course women are asking for it. Looks at their provocative acts…their dressing…when we respond to their actions, they call it rape. That is totally absurd!”. Date rape can be coerced both physically and emotionally – some emotional tactics include; threats to reputation, name calling, saying one “brought it on” or “really want it”, threats to break up and threats to say you “did it” even if you did not. A deeper contemplation on my part reveals that by saying so, men have already revealed their own lack of moral judgment as they expose their weakness and lack of control over their own selves…

…As one feminist put it, men are blindly “guided by their genitals”. If it was the dressing that played the vital role, let us take a closer look at the situation in our country. There have been numerous reports of decently clad women (with headscarves even) raped or gang raped brutally by people that they know and have gone out with. These women did not wear revealing clothes and did not initiate any sexual feelings. So what do these fickle men have for an excuse now? Their action backfires and so do their words…

… In our modern global society today, it is really shameful to have men acting in such barbaric and unorthodox ways of those millions of years ago. Are not they the ones who glorify in the advancement of technology (due to their obsession with gadgets)? No doubt, they have thrust themselves in a tough position, no pun intended. They contradict their fellow men as the line between contemporary and conventional thinking is blurred. It is unfortunate that women fall victims to their confusion. It is even more saddening that some women depend too much on men…

… All in all, date rape is a result of lustful and perverse thinking gone out of hand. Yes, men can be walking testosterones and thinking about sex is normal to them, but acting it out because they feel it is right is pure stupidity on their part and purely inhumane in the eyes of society. Due to the overwhelming cases of date rape, I feel that women should unite to put a stop to this. They should not be like the women in Oliver who belt out that they can’t live without their men. They should look to Gloria Gaylor who believes she will “survive” no matter what…

2003-07-24T02:12:00.000-07:00

An Insight Into Girl-Talk

Just wanted to share with you excerpts of an interesting email, with kind permission, from one of my best girlfriends who is studying in the States. She is highly entertaining in her writing when inspired. She can be extremely critical and endearingly analytical. I love her to bits and this is an insight to girl talk, for those who are curious. Enjoy…

19th Sept. 2002

Dearest Girl,

Hi there, I'm so sorry for this late reply. I hope you accept my reason for this which is I'm fairly busy with my studying and assignments lately. Nevertheless, I still think of writing to you all the time. Don't roll your eyes n say "Yeah, right..."

Anyway, things are ok here... not too great, not too bad. Work is always piling up...and the only times I get to get a break are my ballroom classes and my swing. I just love these two activities. I'm always happy after dancing especially last Thursday when I got to dance with a few great partners. I was... what's that word... elated? Yeah... I think it's elated or maybe not... anyway... I looked forward to the next lesson, which was just 2 hours ago.

You know what, there are many good-looking guys but none of them is BREATH-TAKINGLY gorgeous... the guys I see most often will be the 6 swimmers next door and I only exchange nods and hellos and how-u-doing's with 4 of them. The other 2 are quite unfriendly. Never mind, they only hang out with the other swimmers so they are just neighbours. And you know what? Remember Steve? The guy I mentioned in the mud-wrestling in my previous mail? Anyway, to refresh your memory, there are 6 guys next door and they are Jerod, Nick, Kevin, Steve, Dave, Matt. Dave and Matt are the hostile ones. I met Kevin first, had brunch with Jerod and Kevin, and basically have had small, trivial talk with Steve and Matt. When the swim team had the mud-wrestling, they invited us to watch them...

ok, one of my friends think that I'm interested in Kevin coz I mentioned him quite a few times in my mail. He's tall, big, blonde... not sure what color his eyes are but he's the typical mat-sallehs we read in books n watch in movies. To tell you the truth, I found him quite good-looking initially especially when he wears his glasses. Steve is not good-looking but his body... gosh!!! Its incredible... hehehe.... my friend and I were ogling the guys and you know, making comments on who’s body is great, who’s is not and other girl stuff. I noticed Steve and it was really nice of him to come over and talk to us.

When the wrestling started, we debated over the winner. My friend said Dave would win but I said no, Steve's gonna win coz he might not have a well built up body but he's hard... you get what I mean? His muscles looked strong even though it's not bulky... I don't know how to make you see how great his body and yes, he's tall. So Steve won by the way...

I'm just so skilled in ogling guys... hahaha...

Now I'm feeling better. The reason I tell you this is cuz today I saw Steve topless from downstairs. It was unintentional, I just looked up and there he was, by the window fixing the drapes without his shirt on. He looks thin when he has his clothes but he physically, neck down, he looks great. He has the broad frame... well, I'm going on and on about him so let's just stop. My, he's just next door. ;0) Kevin, on the other hand, he's big but not 'hard'...like quite lembik but I think he looks awesome in body-hugging shirts and I think he's too fair. Steve has just the right tan n he has brown hair I think. Jerod is the other guy I find quite good-looking. He's the naughty one I think, he's the king who fools around a lot, you know, the normal, typical boy who likes to have fun. Nick... is ok. The other 2... hmmph...

Cleveland is boring. I think Ipoh is much better.

Anyway, I have to stop here. I smell popcorn, must be my suitemate, hmmph... tak offer pun... you see? people here only care about themselves n can be very ignorant.

I hope you are doing great...

Love, Me

2003-07-19T09:24:00.000-07:00

Life's A Bitch! WooHoo! - Here's something I wrote to a close girlfriend of mine...

Hey there, woman! How’s things on your side? Academic studies? ‘Social’ studies (read: love life)? How’s tertiary education life?

Everything has a ‘life’ theme to it nowadays. Once you hit the big two-oh (or in that going-to-hit-20 period), somehow, things take on a new perspective. You can consider yourself a young adult and you start to take yourself more seriously, critically analyzing your psychological and emotional well being as well as the interaction and communication of those around you. There’s a lot of life lessons to be learnt.

Speaking from experience, I can boldly state that we humans have to learn life’s harsh lessons the hardest, most excruciating way. No amount of advice, warnings and first-hand experiences from friends, relatives or loved ones will ever save you from getting hurt.

We are a stubborn lot, we are.

The only suitable method of gaining wisdom is to drag yourself through the proverbial mud of life’s cruel surprises. Simply put; you can’t learn life’s lessons in a classroom, nor is it verbally imparted upon you by veterans of emotional turmoil. Metaphorically speaking, you have to taste a certain amount of blood to realize how hurt you are. Yes, you can educate yourself about it as much as you desire, but does it sink in without you never gone through a similar situation? There has to be a reason why practical studies is a major component in any academic syllabus.

Like I said, we are a stubborn lot.

My best friend’s love life is like a soap opera that never ends. There exists every element that maketh it blockbuster material as well. Hype and excitement? It’s there. Hurt and betrayal? Yup, we’ve got that too. But do I reap the benefits of being an innocent bystander of this ongoing saga? Does the moral of the story sink in? Do I mentally and emotionally prepare and brace myself, pray I encounter such predicament?

Judging from how I’ve been dragging myself through the same proverbial mud, I can honestly grant myself a gigantic NO. We basically can not learn from other people’s mistakes. It simply does not work that way. We, girls, can have our bitching sessions and group female therapy. We can counsel each other. We will definitely point out how stupid our fellow ‘ya-ya sister’ can be.

But yet, we will also encounter similar situations and fall prey to it. We will see the spec in someone else’s eyes but we will not necessarily see the log in ours. If we humans weren’t that stubborn, the issue of hurt and betrayal would have been dealt with and settled in the book of Genesis.

Did I tell you how stubborn we humans can be?

Is there a solution? I can sit in my comfy armchair and have my trusty laptop toasting on my…lap, typing away like I’m preaching the priest’s sermon of the week. But I won’t. I do this as therapy, so that I can save costs and not inject unnecessary income into the economy. There is no hard and fast solution to this phenomenon. I guess each person will have to deal with this their own unique way.

Be prepared all you want. Life’s a bitch. If you don’t learn to respect and understand your life, the bitch will certainly kick you in the arse.

2003-06-27T09:14:00.000-07:00

Coming Soon!!!

Commitment - Men's biggest fear, women's constant confusion.

Pokemonity - There's an unusual growing trend among a circle of musicians.

Etique, Civic consiousness & Plain old manners - if the locals don't buck up, we're in deep morality & ethical shitte.

...all that and more! Stay tuned!

2003-06-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

Freedom and liberty at last!!! - I'm done with my music exams. Not only is it satisfying, it is also a closure to all the hardwork and suffering (i'm not being dramatic here, really) that I have been enduring for the past 2 months. CBS Survivors series doesn't hold a candle to what I went through. One month of confinement in the studio (which includes eating, sleeping, studying and breathing in the same room as the grand piano) and daily 9am - 10.30pm practice hours better pay off.

Actually it did. A call from KL confirmed my results : I passed! It was either pass or fail (meaning, not screwed or screwed). Broke the news to dearest Daddy. From him I received a quick congratulations followed by "Thank goodness you passed. If not, it would have been heckuva lot of money wasted." (meaning, you're lucky you passed...or you're so screwed). Well that's my Dad. Wit, sarcasm and old fashioned humour all packed in one traditional Chinaman. Can't blame him, really. Especially if you are on the giving end of a 4-figure sum to support your daughter's music studies every month. And we know money doesn't grow on trees. Because it was Father's Day not long ago - Thank you Daddy for believing that I can make it in music, for all the sacrifices you made which saw your receeding hairline and greying hair (or what's left of it) and for putting up with my tantrums. No daughter can ever be as lucky as I am.

2003-03-14T06:26:00.000-08:00

Find sweaty bodies in jamming studios!!!- Sounds good to me. It's not another sick fantasy of mine but a reality in progress. I was informed that a fellow musician managed to get 100 signatures for his petition to set up a performing arts society at a local private university. According to sources, the uni's giving an undisclosed amount of money to build a good kickass music studio as well. The best part? The small uni gym might be taken down to make way for the studio. Wahahahahaha!!! Who needs dumbbells to lift when you have those backbreaking amps to carry? And...if an individual can break into a sweat playing the piano or the violin, imagine how many calodies you can burn stomping around jamming in the studio? It's way much better than seeing scantily clad sweaty 'pak-cham-kai' guys strutting around the student centre. Guys working up a sweat through jamming? Yummy! Even if they're not sweating, it's fine by me. Hang on, what am I saying? Great, I've just confused myself.

2003-03-07T03:02:00.000-08:00

Just a short note - I know it's been awhile since I last wrote. Granted, I was (and still am) up to my neck with my music stuff. Just waiting for a cousin to be done pruning and preening for something he's attending tonight so that he can send me home. Yup I'm at his place. And hungry too. Listening to a local rock act called Burning Edge. An aquaintance of mine just shoved the album into good ol' cousin's hands. Promo work. Sounds good, like a cocktail of a few good rock groups put together...plus tons of originality. Not bad for a local group. Must thank Zheng Chi for it. Hope to hear em playing live in the near future. Will put another post later. For now, it's time to chow down! Ta!

2003-01-30T10:37:00.000-08:00

at last, i have my soapbox parked firmly online (which is somewhat of a personal achievement for lil ol' technologically challenged me). many friends of mine have been telling me about my dire need of therapy (very funny, guys). so i guess the best way to preserve what's left of my sanity is to write. my musings depend largely on what irks me or feeds my curiousity. if it's being posted online, its meant for public viewing. basically - my soapbox, your probable entertainment. so hey, it's a win-win situation. feel free to email me some feedback (brickbats or otherwise). and if you're interesting enough, i might just include you on my next post. so here's a lil toast to my new baby online (yuuuuummm...sengggg!!!)

~to answer a friend's question: no, this newfound activity won't see myself expanding it to webcamming myself *eww*. not now, not ever.~